Should you choose a dating matchmaker? – the negatives…

There are many reasons we may find it difficult to meet the right person. We are often time poor and dating can be time consuming and take energy. We may not want to expose ourselves online or in apps as it can make us feel vulnerable or we can’t because of confidentiality.  You may be coming back into the dating world after a divorce or bereavement or you may want to meet ‘The One’ and feel like your time is running out to do so.

These are all strong emotive reasons and its good for us to get clear about what may drive us to using a matchmaking service rather than online.

Having worked at a well known matchmakers for several years here are my cons about why you shouldn’t choose to spend a considerable amount of money on investing in this option…

The Cons (reasons not to)…

  1. It is a large investment, financially and emotionally.  We are generally talking about thousands of pounds here (the average for a bespoke service ranges from £3,000 up to £50,000+). This may be worth it if you meet the person you are going to have a long term relationship with.
  2. There is no guarantee that you are going to meet someone via this route. You will need to be realistic about this and weigh this into your decision, otherwise you could feel disappointed and be several thousand pounds out of pocket.
  3. You may only get to meet a handful of people this way. The idea is that if the matchmaker is good and finds committed, relationship minded matches then you could meet people who fit what you are looking for.  The reality is (certainly in my experience) that women are much more informed about matchmaker and seek them out, pay and then expect to meet the sorts of matches they’ve requested.  Men are still informing themselves about matchmaking services and are therefore newer to the concept. In addition, there may be something in the science of men be less committal if they are not expected to pursue and then choose their partner.
  4. In summary matchmakers headhunt for men to even their numbers and often the men won’t have paid for the service, or they may have been on the books for a longer period of time. If the men have not been required to pay a financial fee to join, then there can be less of a commitment to being in a relationship. On the flip side of this, if you do get to meet a man who has also invested in the service and matches what you are looking for, you have two people who are committed to being in a relationship and are ready for that to happen.
  5. It is a business, so even if the agency is ethical and customer service is good, they need to make money in order to keep the business going. In other words, they want you to join and may focus on your emotive reasons to do so.
  6. You may not get to see photographs of your matches, so be prepared for this. This can sometimes be a positive, so click on the positives to understand why.
  7. Many agencies will (if they are good) have a watertight contract absolving them of any recourse if they can’t find your partner. Be very clear about what you’re signing up to and what rights you have if the company fails to find you a partner that matches what you’re looking for.
  8. You will be trusting someone else to find your partner for you. Again this could be a positive, but only if you are happy to relinquish control and trust they are really going to commit to finding you a good selection of committed matches.

The positives (reasons to choose a matchmakers)

If you are considering a matchmakers or have used one and had a bad experience, please contact me for a consultation on how I can help…

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